We live and move and have our being. 

What I would want my 80 year old self to write to my 39 year old self, on the eve of turning 40. 

On this strange journey, your life will not go as planned. There will be high mountains to climb and low valleys you won’t be sure you’ll get through. Trust God’s plan and willingly step into what He lays out in front of you. 

In this hard and broken world, be on the look out for beauty. You will find it anywhere you look and it is God’s fingerprint, reminding us that all is and will be well. Capture these moments, with a photo or a blog post or a sketch or song. Make a collection of them and help others see the beauty along their own journey. 

When you look around and it seems there are “no good men left”, remember there are. Recall the good men you do know and thank the Lord for them. When you get the door opened or the bag put up for you on the plane, smile and give a sincere thank you to them. 

When you are tired of being the strong one all. the. time. remember the Father who is strong for you and lean into Him. And be okay with calling it hard and letting the tears flow. It is hard and will probably get harder. 

As long as you are single, you will have days where you hate being single. And on those days, every picture in social media will be a new engagement or a happy family or a kiss or a wedding. Everywhere you look will be reminders that you are single and you are alone. In these moments, corral self pity with a good work out or a call to a friend. Remember your Father knows your desires and He cares for you. 

When the 23 year old is sharing her struggle with being “so old and still single”, show her grace. You probably did or said the same thing when you were her age. 

On the 100th time you’re asked “why not eHarmony”, like it’s a grocery store where you go pick out your favorite things for dinner, show grace. Remember they are trying to be helpful. 

Go open an eHarmony account. Or OK Cupid. Or Match.com. Or Tinder. Know that it will be like looking for a diamond in the sewer. Take breaks from it, find entertainment in it, laugh at it, reach out or respond to the deserving men. Ignore the less-worthy dudes, they don’t deserve a second more of your time. 

Guard your heart, keep your standards high, and don’t be embarrassed by your innocence. Don’t apologize for not wanting to meet your husband in a bar or a club (if you do, that’s okay!). Walk that razor-thin line of being content in your singleness and keeping an open and approachable heart. It will feel like an impossible dance sometimes and you will feel like while you’re doing one part well, the other part fails. That’s okay, be realistically hopeful, embracing the season, whatever it may be. 

When folks put you in the kid category because you are single, show grace. When you get the air mattress or the couch, show grace and be flexible. But stand up for yourself, too, when needed, respectfully and with tact. 

When your “little sister” gets engaged and married, jump in and celebrate. Lend an ear and call her when she needs to talk through the stresses of wedding planning. Give her council where you can, but mostly just listen and love on her. 

Know that being single in our culture will be seen as you missing out. People will feel sorry for you and want to fix it. Let them introduce you to (deserving) men. Go on those dates. Live a full life and show them the benefits of being single: world travels, your time is your own, your money is your own, your space is your own. 

It will be hard to be single in church, too. You will age out of the singles group or get tired of singles group version 11.0. Your friends will pair off, get married and leave the group. You won’t fit into the older singles group. It will be lonely at times and you will be tempted not to come to church. Stay involved, look for places to serve, love on some kids. 

When you get stared at for your height, hold your head high and don’t slouch. Smile and ask them how they are doing. Remind them you are human just like they are. 

Look for places you can help. Show dignity to all, regardless of how they look or smell. Acknowledge the maid in the hotel hallway and ask how their day is going. Leave a generous tip, remembering how much you have been given. Be nice to the lady behind the airline ticket counter when your flight gets cancelled; her day has probably been harder than your day. 

Take that job that seems scary. If an international assignment comes up, take it. Stay classy at the office, in dress, speech, and tone. Don’t play favorites; stand up for yourself. Defend the underdog and call out the bully. Ask for the promotion and the raise. Don’t forget to laugh, especially at the extremely stressful moments. Pray for your boss, that he would have wisdom and be successful. Be patient and respectful to him, remembering that his job is ten times harder than yours. 

Take vacations, especially to the places you’ve never been. Go see the other side of the world. Go, even if you go alone. 

Keep your body strong. Eat healthy but have the piece of cake. Take time to rest. Leave your phone behind when you take a walk. Ride your horse as often as can. Go skiing. Hike the mountain. 

Go see your nephews as often as you can. They won’t stay little for long. Take them on trips when they are old enough to go. Build the forts, ride the crazy pedal car down the hill, play hide a seek for the 1277th time, tuck them in at night, pray with them. 

Call your mom. You won’t always have her and she always wants to hear from you. She wants to hear how your day went and how you’re feeling about life. 

Encourage your dad. Take that backpacking trip with him. Go target shooting. Treat him to BBQ, go riding with him. 

Give your horse a hug every time you see him. He is a gift. Give him the carrots and the stud muffins, too. 

Live within your budget and save as much as you can. Buy that expensive purse that will last you a life time. Wait till those shoes go on sale. 

Keep a small cluster of three or four close friends. They get to be in your inner circle because they build you up, challenge you, comfort you and celebrate with you. They are your board of directors, helping you navigate through life. 

Wait on the LORD. This may be the hardest thing you do. It means accepting every “no” and knowing it is for your good. It means not taking action where you want to make a thing work. It means sitting on your hands, keeping your mouth shut, and crying out to Him who knows what is best for you. Remember to look back at every no from the Lord and see how He spared you pain; move forward in the confidence that His plan is best. 

Pray and read the Bible. Talk to God about everything. He remembers that you are dust and His love for you is without end. You are a daughter of the King, with work to do. Stay focused, work diligently, love those right in front of you, fight the hard fight to keep a soft heart. 

After a very long three days at work and away from home, surrounded by the shroud of loss that is hard to quantify and describe, I headed back to my home-away-from — I mean, my hotel room.

As I entered the room, I was accompanied by my familiar friend Lonely. This companion comes at most inconvenient moments and is rarely welcomed. Okay, never welcome. I’ve learned over the years of work travel what to do with this guy (?) – crowd him out with Scripture reading, a good movie or book + glass of wine, long walk, hard work out, or calling a friend (or family). Like any bad relationship, you minimize influence and impact and sideline them to the outer regions of heart and soul through deliberate action.

But sometimes Lonely is a welcome companion, especially when Self Pity is also visiting. They make an effective team, particularly when I’m tired and worn out.

Last night they were settling in comfortably, making it clear they were there to stay. I was about to turn down their beds and fluff their pillows when I was stopped by the reminder that these are not my friends, nor do they have my best interests in play. So as I dialed the phone number of one of my longest-time friends, I booted them out the door. An hour later, I was bolstered and comforted and felt like a piece of Home had entered my hotel room.

As I write this from my seat on this A321, the lingering aforementioned loss hanging on like a shadow, I’m thankful to be heading home. I’m even more thankful for friends to call, who help evict unwanted companions, and help me refocus and regain perspective.

And all seems a bit more right with the world. After a year of being a therapy horse, he’s back with me. It was a hard thing and a good thing for us both: he learned some new skills and I saved some money. I also learned to appreciate him more in his absence, so his return is incredibly sweet. 

Telluride has been on my “bucket list” for years. Can’t tell you when or why it was added to the list. 

I went skiing there this past February with friends and was introduced to its winter beauty, and something in my soul felt like it came alive there. 

Then in June I was able to introduce my twin to this special place and revel in its summer beauty. And again, my soul felt alive and at home. 

I was talking about this with mom a couple days ago and she reminded me of a trip my dad took us on when we were very small, before he passed away. I wonder now if this is why this place feels like home – somehow I feel closer to him up there. 

It really is a bit of heaven on earth.