the whisper of his grace

He makes all things new
In the midst of my failure
He raises me above it all

His grace makes small my mistakes
And His mercy overlooks my guilt
I am made new

He asks me to walk away from the mess I helped create
Draws me away by His great whisper
To leave behind the heap
That I am inclined toward

His healing grace a dart into my soul
And His breath washing me clean from enemy’s filth

But I want to go back
To the heap
To the muddy puddle
Forgetting that a King’s playground awaits

Energies directed and spent in focus of the smallness
     I am owed by another
Forgetting the enormity of my dept wiped clean
     by His breath on me
And the higher places to which He beckons
By the whisper of His grace

By the whisper of His grace
I am drawn into His space
Letting go of what I want to cling to

found recently in an old journal, written in March 2011

sometimes hope

sometimes hope
strings me along
asks for audacious trust

i find myself
reluctant to hope
a wispy cloud on the horizon

we’re told to hope
for things unseen
in the heavenlies and here on earth

i want to hope
but i don’t
i don’t want to put my heart on the line

sometimes hope
seems a mocking
cruel, disappointing, shallow friend

sometimes hope
calls us into a
vast wilderness of trust and faith

sometimes hope
burns brightly
sometimes barely flickers like a small flame on an old fire.

written for a friend, with echoes from my own heart.

follow

I follow Him who helps me exchange a path of fear and hesitation
for a road to skate down, Walter Mitty-style,
the sun beaming on my back.

I follow Him who makes breakfast on the beach,
feeding stomach and restoring soul.

I follow Him who welcomes this elder-brother,
three-year-old-tantrum-thrower
into the party,
out of the cold, into the warmth.

I follow Him who sheds His grace
on me even when I tell Him
I don’t like him much. 

I follow Him who will one day make
everything right and good and
beautiful in its time.

I follow Him who will one day help
these dim eyes see the new city and eternal glory.

obedience + trust

I used to think trust was an emotion.
A thought. A pleasant little something. 
Hot-oatmeal-in-your-tummy, warm fuzzies.
It sort of happened on a sunny day, when
Hope felt near and the horizon beckoned.
 
But now I know is it sometimes just
a raw obedience. One foot in front of the other.
Even when you don’t know how you’re going
to do that job. Or let go of that thing you want.
Or say that thing you don’t want to say.

The Sometimes has turned into a Season.
And a season into a year.
And a year into a lifetime.

 
I wonder if these steps, one tiny step after the other,
will take me right to Heaven’s door without a fulfilling of
what I see is best. Will I keep putting my feet forward?
Keep on the path in front of me? When obedience is raw,
weighty, and almost crushing.

Oh that I would carry the weight of trust
with the help of Him who has brought me
here thus far. That I would do this job, and let
go of that thing, and say that word. And let my
heart be beckoned to the next unfamiliar horizon.

Step to horizon.
Horizon to season.
Season to year.

one person

one person
tall but small

courage to shove the worry aside
block it at the door
no entering in

in life’s dark and rattling moments
You bring courage and put me where
and when
You want me

feeling unprepared and
awkward and inept
Your words flow
Your grace floods through

in my smallness
You give me with courage
and grace and truth

help me be small in worry
and tall in what is good

I am just a tall and small person
but willing
willing for You to move me
and use me and put me where
courage and grace and truth
will change me and
lend hope to those I touch

You are all I need

Unseen to seen

a burning gold strand
cuts across the dark scape
a glimmer in a sea of unseen

a glimmer of what could be
but is not
not yet

the dying yellow
fades into Winter’s grasp
but rises again

rises again in Spring’s
new birth
over and over

this green to gold
and gold to Winter’s
unseen but crushing cold

one day this green will
never again fade
but will rise

a burning gold strand
to a gold crown
set on a Head worthy

a Hope that will turn
the dark to light
the unseen to seen

Stepping out

Stepping out into the pink-grey dawn
A new morning and a new day
Young and fragile as a newborn
But built for potential and strength

Add caption

Aspen trees swaying gently in the early breeze
Their leaves tinkering out a heavenward song
They greet me in the young light
And call forth my potential

Potential – what a strange word
A presence not yet present
A being not yet built
But all the plans and hopes and dreams
Fully there and ready to spring

Spring into life
Like this brand new day
Created to embrace the Sun in its rising
Beckoned to put sinews and ligaments to work

To work – to bring to life potential
To bring to life grace given in a needed moment
To give strength at a moment of weakness
Hope where a dark thought would reign

As the grey, fragile morning dawns
My own fragility comes to life
For one more day
Of potential, grace, strength, hope
And an embrace of the Son. 

Hope and Help

Irresolute I find myself

Wandering between love of earth
And of Heaven.
Focused on one, but forgetting
The other.
Focused on the other, and forgetting
The One.
How do I find contentment in both?
Earth, in all its verdant beauty, beckons
Me to dig in and accept her for all her faults
And adventures. But my heart gets caught in
The rain and I run for shelter.
The shelter I find in visions of Heaven
Where neither moth nor rust can
Destroy friendships or treasures. Resolute  
To stay in the shelter, I’m called back.
Called back to love the Earth and my fellow
Creatures, cultivating fields of rock and rich
Soil. Opening my soul to the refinement that
Will take place in those fields. Looking
Toward the Creator of Heaven, and clinging
To the Anchor of my soul; my feet digging into
Earthy dust while my eyes look to the
Heavens, where Hope and Help come forth.

A hard read and Matthew 5:17-19

My last post was light and airy. This one is not.
 
This blog installment is by a college friend of mine and it is a long and hard read. Here’s why it was hard for me:

1) It is evidence that we live in a broken world that is far removed from God’s original design, and it is continuing on that continuum until Christ returns (Lord, please come quickly.)
2) We all need Jesus – and the most important thing about us is that we know Him, deeply. This applies to all, from any “walk” or lifestyle.
3) My head is spinning to think what this person, this human, made in the likeness of God, has suffered, not just from choices, but from experiences and abuse as a child.
4) Is it not a stretch to take the referenced Matthew 19 passage and come to the conclusion outlined in the article?
5) Sin is sin. Sin is defined by the unchanging God, not by our own changing and shifting viewpoints and experiences.
6) I do recognize the source of this article – Rachel is very far down the path of “progressive Christianity” – that said, I have a hard time “peddling backwards” to find a starting point where she stopped interpreting Scripture correctly.
7) As I pray for dear people in my own life who struggle with gender identity issues, I do pray that they first would come to know Jesus in a real way, because that would then transform all the rest. Maybe instantly, maybe over a lifetime, but the transformation would begin. (Please note that transformation is a very different word than transition, especially in this context.)
8) I listened to a sermon this morning and took comfort in this passage:

Matthew 5:17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18 For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. 19 Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
9) I am uncomfortable with the implications of the referenced blog post, uncomfortable with my own wrestling through it, but comforted by the words in Matthew 5 above. 
10) It is good to wrestle through all this. Even when it’s hard.