daily life

you are mindful of us

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A story I’ve heard a thousand times: that you came
To Earth to live in the dust, to surrender to death, to
Cover this creation with your Grace and Saving Truth.
Oh LORD, this too-familiar Story made fresh by the
Reminder that You are mindful of us.

This mindfulness I cannot understand in my own
Finiteness. My inability to juggle daily demands,
My forgetfulness of what really matters, my self-
Seeking and self-absorbtion renders me stuck in
A shallow pool of dissatisfaction and angst.

Then your Word tells me that “You will destroy all
The adversaries of my soul for I am your servant”.
I am your servant. You keep this dusty, self-filled
Frame around to do your work in my wholly inadequate
Ways. And you wage war against my enemies.

You guide this fear-filled little heart to places
that demand courage; to mountain summits that
remind me that life is lived in the valley.
“When my spirit faints within me, You know my way!”
You are God-with-us, in steep paths upward and journeys down.

Oh LORD, continue to fill this shaky soul with the
Joy of this familiar story; that the Babe come to earth
Is the Soon-Coming King whose enemies faint when
He shakes His mane; Who will by His Breath
Raise this failing, frail body to Life.

Psalm 143:12
Psalm 142:3

more than the morning mist

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Oh for grace that this would be be true in my life:

Faithfulness to Jesus Christ is the supernatural work of redemption that has been performed in me by the Holy Spirit— “the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit…” And it is that love in me that effectively works through me and comes in contact with everyone I meet. I remain faithful to His name, even though the commonsense view of my life may seemingly deny that, and may appear to be declaring that He has no more power than the morning mist.

from Oswald Chambers, Oct 18 reading

This strange earthly life

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This is a strange walk, this earthly life.
One of faith and frailty, fears and
failures. You say we’re spirit,
But all we can see are hands and
Skin and bones. You call us to faith,
And hope in the Unseen.

But all we can sense is the
Seen, the heard, the tasted, and the
Touched. You give us faith, and then call
Us to trust in a future that is eternal and glorious.
But all we can feel in these earthly bodies
Are goodbyes and loss
And sacrifice and missing joy. 

You came and conquered. And then left,
Telling us you would one day return. It’s
Been a long time and too many of those
We love have left and gone to you, without a
Word, never to be seen, this side of
Our own death. Yet, you say to have hope.

Hope in the unseen. Dear Lord, we
Are earthly creatures, our physical senses
Far out-pacing the spiritual. You call
Us into the spiritual realm, in surrender,
In faith, and trust and hope. And yet we cannot
See past these hands and skin and bones.

So Lord, have mercy on our skin-bound
Souls, and our weak minds who try to
See the unseen, but are left with a
Sense that all is not as it should
Be or how it will be. Forgive us our
Frailties and our fears. Give us the 
Courage to walk like Joshua, in
Hope that what is beyond our sight is true and
More real than all we can see.

follow

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I follow Him who helps me exchange a path of fear and hesitation
for a road to skate down, Walter Mitty-style,
the sun beaming on my back.

I follow Him who makes breakfast on the beach,
feeding stomach and restoring soul.

I follow Him who welcomes this elder-brother,
three-year-old-tantrum-thrower
into the party,
out of the cold, into the warmth.

I follow Him who sheds His grace
on me even when I tell Him
I don’t like him much. 

I follow Him who will one day make
everything right and good and
beautiful in its time.

I follow Him who will one day help
these dim eyes see the new city and eternal glory.

Stepping out

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Stepping out into the pink-grey dawn
A new morning and a new day
Young and fragile as a newborn
But built for potential and strength

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Aspen trees swaying gently in the early breeze
Their leaves tinkering out a heavenward song
They greet me in the young light
And call forth my potential

Potential – what a strange word
A presence not yet present
A being not yet built
But all the plans and hopes and dreams
Fully there and ready to spring

Spring into life
Like this brand new day
Created to embrace the Sun in its rising
Beckoned to put sinews and ligaments to work

To work – to bring to life potential
To bring to life grace given in a needed moment
To give strength at a moment of weakness
Hope where a dark thought would reign

As the grey, fragile morning dawns
My own fragility comes to life
For one more day
Of potential, grace, strength, hope
And an embrace of the Son. 

Hope and Help

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Irresolute I find myself

Wandering between love of earth
And of Heaven.
Focused on one, but forgetting
The other.
Focused on the other, and forgetting
The One.
How do I find contentment in both?
Earth, in all its verdant beauty, beckons
Me to dig in and accept her for all her faults
And adventures. But my heart gets caught in
The rain and I run for shelter.
The shelter I find in visions of Heaven
Where neither moth nor rust can
Destroy friendships or treasures. Resolute  
To stay in the shelter, I’m called back.
Called back to love the Earth and my fellow
Creatures, cultivating fields of rock and rich
Soil. Opening my soul to the refinement that
Will take place in those fields. Looking
Toward the Creator of Heaven, and clinging
To the Anchor of my soul; my feet digging into
Earthy dust while my eyes look to the
Heavens, where Hope and Help come forth.

A month or two in review

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The last couple of months have flown by. Here’s a short, but not exhaustive recap:

  • Ended one job and started a new one. It’s a big change and I’m a total beginner again and essentially getting paid to go to school. I’m soaking this up for as long as it lasts!
  • My life has been revolutionized from squeezing lime juice into a glass of ice water. It not only tastes amazing, and is good for your health, but it also makes nalgene water bottles smell nice. Yes, it’s the little things.
  • My heart melts when nephew #1 calls my name through the house when he doesn’t know where I am – he yells: “Anky-Tae!” Gets me every time.
  • My heart melts when nephew #2 comes prancing toward me in a quick crawl, while throwing me a big cheeky smile.
  • I still have a crush on Paul Ryan. He makes economics the most exciting thing in the world for me.
  • I’m training Caspian to ride and I’m happy to report that my feet don’t drag the ground! Prayers answered! He’s a fabulous horse, smart and willing to learn, laid back with a spark, and the nosiest horse I’ve ever known. 
  • Mr. Darcy is looking very scruffy. 
  • Wilbur Mac has taken to sounding off gentle knickers at feeding time and other random times. I think it’s because he knows how to manipulate females.
  • I have eaten way too much tex mex this summer. 
  • I’ve decided to get fitted for real running shoes and train for a 5k. Yeah, ask me how that’s going in about 8 months. 
  • I’m looking very forward to meeting nephew #3 in a few weeks!

Game Rules

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Calling my friends, both those who share my values and those who do not, to discuss and argue with equity and amiability:

  1. no name calling. zero. 
  2. no tit for tat. “you do this? well, I’m going to do this”.
  3. don’t be arrogant in your response – check and recheck yourself on this.
  4. separate people from the problem / issue. 
  5. focus on the issues, not the people. 
  6. love MUST be the message or we sound like clanging gongs.
  7. always take the high road and if you can’t say something with respect, don’t say it. 
  8. be reasonable and articulate in your responses, and don’t be afraid to use humor. 
  9. be grateful for events such as “Chik-fil-a”, that raise awareness and bring “street view” clarity to the life-changing and end-game battles going on in our culture today. 
  10. use this time to hone in on your own view and crystallize your articulate, loving and pointed response to the issue at hand.

Read this; it’s good

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“On the flip side, I imagine that He intended us to be engaging fully and embracing our roles, circumstances, struggles and the blessings that He’s given us – all which are intended to reveal more of Him to us – and are instead able to sit back and enjoy the surprises that He has for us with the giddiness of young children on Christmas morning.” (Read more here.)

I like to think of it is as we are all on parallel paths (assuming we are indeed going the same direction (narrow road v wide road)), but we wear different outfits. Along the way we may change up the outfits, but in the end we end up at the same Gate.

Daily Life

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My life looks very different from (one of) my sister(s). This sister has the hardest job in the world – she is raising the next generation. She is not only raising kiddos, but she is also raising one tiger, one bear, and a future to-be-named (I’m voting for a lion cub). Read her blog and she will quickly become your new heroine.

In contrast to her daily life, here is a snapshot of mine of late:

  • work projects that are both tedious and rewarding
  • wrapping up one job this month and venturing into a completely new one next month
  • twice daily walks with Mr. Darcy as he is wrapping his physical therapy post-surgery.
  • complete enjoyment of working with and riding Caspian. This has been a long-time coming and the fruit of efforts from Eryn, Virginia, Shelly, JR, and many more. 
  • root beer floats and tex mex!
  • working with a blind horse and a paralytic student at ROCK and getting perpetually reminded that even the seeming “worthless” things have reason and beauty and purpose. 
  • a weekly small group at church of dear friends, where we are learning to go through life’s ups and downs and sideways turns together

I trust that while I am not raising the next generation, the work I’m doing is nonetheless exactly where He wants me.